To the great excitement of MANY a stallholder, and anyone selling a cheeky riesling en route, these bitches have come to EDINBURGH FARMERS MARKET to see how this much-loved institution has reinvented itself into something even more delicious.

Seconds later we’re seeking inspiration for eating binges yet to come. Our faces smeared in flaky pastry, we devour gourmet sausage rolls at pace. Pork & chorizo, followed by haggis & black pudding, which are big on girth, even bigger on flavour.

Though before we reveal, in gluttonous depth, why this week’s weigh-in at Slimmer’s Club will be a tots catastrophe, first a little history of what’s officially one of the best markets [ top 3 bitches! ] in ALL of Britain.

Launched two decades ago, it was run by Edinburgh Council [ the people who brought us potholes, road closures & billion pound trams … awkward!  ] but these days, thankfully, it’s the stallholders calling the shots, and the market is thriving.

With a focus on primary producers, increased variety and sustainability, everything looks, smells, and tastes utterly delicious. So, with a wicker basket in tow, we’re grabbing a little something gorgeous from every stall.

A pottle of baba ganoush here, a Portuguese tart there, perhaps a sumptuous garlic cheese loaf, and a slice or three of salted caramel cheesecake with a wonderfully crumbly base. DING DONG!

Then there’s coffee, organic meat & vege, seafood, charcuterie, cheeses, blossom honey, artisan bread, baked goods, Mediterranean food, Italian, Thai, cheese toasties, hog roast, beer, liqueur, spirits, and the rather seductive list goes on

In the days that follow, we even find ourselves inspired to use the kitchen-y thing off our Georgian reception hall. So rather than making reservations for dinner, we’re creating actual food. Who knew??

Our menu includes: Osso Bucco steak … venison mince … smoked salmon … a plethora of fresh vege … and award-winning dairy from Dumfries to name but a fabulous few.

Which is why we’re INSISTING you renounce your own membership to slimmer’s club, grab yourself a wicker basket, and get down to this five-star market. Your tastebuds will LOVE your you for it!