When asked our plans for the weekend, we proudly told people we were going to orgasm. For those brave enough to enquire further, we explained our lunch reservation at La Petite Mort – a restaurant named after the spiritual release that follows climax.
While that’s a bold promise to make to your customers, we’re happy to say this gorgeous venue more than lives up to the hype. The atmosphere’s opulent yet relaxed, the cocktails inventive, and the food exquisite.
We arrived half way through our friends’ – Karen & Rob – first bottle of wine. Quite the achievement, considering we were ten minutes early. But hey ho.
Also joining us: the rather fabulous Kerry from Edinburgh Foody. So, second bottle of wine already en route, the five of us perused the menu.
The Importance of Foreplay
Now while lunch offers just a handful of options, somehow you are still utterly spoiled for choice.
Dessert we chose immediately (more on that later), but the entrée had us paralysed with indecision. Should we order the Duck Liver parfait with mango salsa and grissini Breadsticks? After all, it sounded fabulous …
Or should we be a little more adventurous, and try the Asparagus spears with black pudding, pancetta and asparagus puree. We sighed, we bit our lips, we sighed again. Oh god, why must our lives be filled with such difficult decisions??
Politely, the waiter brought over a third bottle of wine, and pressed Isaac and I for a decision. Creatures of habit, we defaulted to the parfait.
One bite of its creamy magnificence, and we felt relieved at having made the right decision. But then … Kerry offered us a taste of her asparagus spears.
Oh my f**king god, amazing! A stunning combination of flavours, and some of the nicest black pudding you’ll ever eat. THIS, we thought, is the orgasm we were promised.
Instantly, I jumped to my feet, and yelled across the restaurant, “I’ll also have what she’s having!!!” Soon Isaac too was erect, and echoed my request.
Within moments we were happily silenced by the arrival of our second entrée. Needless to say, more sighing and lip-biting ensued, this time the good kind.
The Main Event
With excitement mounting, we moved on to our mains, and once again chef rose to the occasion.
The Pan fried fillet of seabass with spiced sultana, chorizo and goat’s cheese couscous is utterly delicious. Crisp and bursting with flavour, it’s another dish that combines contrasting tastes to great effect.
Isaac, meanwhile, followed Rob’s sage advice and ordered the Bennetts Burger. Oh … my … god! Aberdeen beef with rosemary and garlic butter, mature white cheddar, and beetroot relish on a brioche bun. Seriously moreish.
The beef melts in your mouth, while the beetroot relish gives it a sweet and juicy kick that all other burgers should take note of. And as for those chips, well … let’s just say we were flush with excitement.
After enjoying three incredible courses, expectation was high when it came to dessert. But while we’d made our choice an entire 23 seconds after arriving at the restaurant, we can happily tell you this was in no way premature.
The Fresh fried banana brioche doughnut served with a sphere of peanut butter parfait, toffee sauce and raspberry jelly is most definitely climactic. In fact it’s incredible, especially when teamed with an espresso martini.
Our entire table burst into a spontaneous round of applause. And, quite rightly, Rob decided the finale of this perfect lunch called for yet another bottle of wine to celebrate.
Ah yes, the spiritual release after climax, couldn’t agree more!
Reviewed May 2017
La Petite Mort
32 Valleyfield Street
Tollcross, EH3 9LR
0131 229 3693